Foodless Friday: Contentement

Today's post is kind of long... however I have tried to add a few pictures to break it up! 

It has not been a secret on this blog that my husband and I had a rough couple of years after he finished his Masters coursework and was working on his thesis. I mean we ended up living in my parent's basement for 2 years! We both only had part time jobs and even though we applied for numerous jobs we were never hired... It can be very wearing on a person/relationship/etc. However, at the beginning of last year I wrote in my personal journal that by the end of the year I wish we would have a full time job, our own place (preferably a house) and I may not have written it but I was getting baby hungry, so I couldn't wait to have insurance again so we could consider having a baby. I also wished that my sister would get better because there would be no way my mom could handle things without us there if she was still going in the the ER as much as she had been. 

 My parents, brother and sister (this was taken just before she got sick for so long)

A year ago I was hopeful that the thesis would be done (my husband had sent a draft to his advisor and was burning the midnight oil to get it completed on time.) I figured once his thesis was done we would be better able to find a job (I don't know why, but that's the mentality I had.) It is amazing how things fell into place. Last May, my little sister stopped having troubles with her breathing and even came off oxygen! She had to use it occasionally but that was better than using it constantly. 

 My son watching airplanes before we boarded on our way home.

 My husband finished his thesis and we made a week long trip back to Wisconsin (the first part of June) so he could defend it and make any corrections his committee wanted him to. The day before we left he got a call for a job interview, we said we'd call back when we got back into town (I figured it wasn't going to happen as we'd be gone a week!) He ended up turning his thesis in the last possible day without having to pay tuition again (June 11th to be exact). If we wouldn't have had some issues at the copy shop the night before we probably could have turned it in the day before... 

 Giving a copy to his advisor

We got back and he called about the job and they interviewed him. He ended up getting the job and started at the end of June. It was convenient because the job was a 40 minute drive each way from my parents so we were able to stay there for a few months while we found a place to live (and save up some money to actually buy a house - we went through a program that allowed us not to pay a down-payment or it never would have happened).

 Our house

Which brings me to the main point I wanted to write about today... a year ago I wanted some very specific things in my life, and right now I pretty much have them all. (The only thing is that I wish I had a baby right now instead of being pregnant, but at least we have been blessed to have a healthy pregnancy - so far!) Now that I have the major things I wanted at this point last year - you think I'd be perfectly content, right? Partly, yes - I am grateful that we have everything we do and it's not like I'm not happy... However, now I  have more stuff to wish for (luckily smaller)... like actually having enough furniture in our house - we have some, but it still looks pretty sparse! (We pretty much have what we had in our 2-bedroom grad housing (except a twin bed for my son and an actual kitchen table.) I want some additional extras for the baby that we didn't get with my son (we ended up using a high chair at my parents -that my sister had left there for when they visited with their children- so that's a definite must!) The hard part is wanting it all right now and not being patient to save up the money to buy it. I have found that when I start getting greedy (ie wanting it all now) that if I remember I have pretty much everything I wanted a year ago that it helps me curb my desire to spend money we don't have yet and be content with what we do have.

Do you have any tricks that help you stay content?

Fairy Tale Endings - Who needs them?

Lately I've been thinking a lot about expectations and reality.... Growing up I use to sit with the Sears or JC Penny HUGE catalog (remember those?) and plan what furniture my house was going to have. Please tell me I'm not the only one who did this... I even had a notebook to write it down in! Each child would have their own whole bedroom set that they got to move with them when they got their own house. I also planned my living room with the perfect matching furniture. I knew exactly what I wanted for the inside of my beautiful house that I'd have custom built (I also loved the house I'd planned and still would love to have it today!) I also knew what I wanted in my life as well! I would be the perfect mommy to my children, I would keep my house clean, I would wear nice clothes all the time, make treats for them every day for an after school snack, be able to work part time in my chosen profession, and I would have the perfect relationship with my spouse. We'd live somewhere great - which by the end of high school I KNEW there was not going to be the area of the state where I'd grown up. I really wanted to live in another state as well, but not enough to go out of state for college...

I learned a LOT about my expectations of marriage in my first few years (it has only been 6 years, so I'm no expert still!) However, I felt that by the time I got married most of my unrealistic expectations were gone... But not all of them, unfortunately! I also learned TONS about being a mommy when I had my first child. Seriously, I never knew how tired and worn out a baby/toddler can make you. Now I honestly laugh and totally agree with signs that say things to the effect of, "We used to want it all, and now we just want to pee alone." Nice clothes all the time - totally out the window... now I wish I had a fixed personal hygiene routine (I do try to shower at least every other day!) I've also learned that it is really hard for me to be a perfect mommy when I'm tired and grumpy.

I also learned how life can play it's own games with you and have you end up living in the exact place where you didn't want to (although I did get to live outside the state while Hubby was in grad school) and told yourself you wouldn't live, but actually be grateful you are there... after 2 years of not having our own place or full time employment, I am glad that we have our own house and my husband has a full time job (that lets me be a stay at home mom-even though we have to stick to a tighter budget!) Speaking of budget - gone are my wishes for the perfect bedroom set for each child (and for myself too) as well as the matching Living Room furniture... I still want that (we do have some, just not everything I want), but now I realize that it will take time... I may have all the pieces I want in time to start replacing them!

Did I get my dreamed fairy tale ending? No, but I don't think I'd want my fairy tale ending, because it has been the hard times that have made me who I am, my relationship with my husband where it is (LOVE YOU Honey!), and has made me really grateful for what I do have. (Don't get me wrong, I'd still love to have it all together every day!) I may not be the perfect mommy (and sometimes wish it wasn't so hard) but I do enjoy being a mommy (most of the time...) I wouldn't trade anything (or even all) I've given up for what I have.

What were your dreams as a child/youth that you now realize are hard/impossible to achieve?

Sibling

As we prepare for another child to enter our family, we've been trying to prepare our son for the arrival of a new sibling. We've talked about it and wasn't sure it was sinking in... now I think that maybe it has.

We've been telling him he's going to get a brother or a sister (as until Wednesday we did not know...) and that mommy has a baby in her tummy. Once we found out we were having a boy, we've been asking him, "are you going to have a brother?" to which his normal response is, "Or a sister." Sometimes he gets quite upset that we seem to be forgetting the or part. Today after the above conversation - I told him he was going to have a brother, his answer, "I want a sister!"

So obviously we were pretty good at telling him he's getting a sibling... hopefully now we can help him know that he's really getting a brother, not a brother or a sister and not a sister.

Winter Fun

It finally decided to be winter here (well... it's been winter as far as the cold is concerned, but the snow has been very meager at best!) On Sunday, it snowed pretty much all day (there was a break or two, and it was light snow most of the time, but we got snow!) The next morning it was bright and sunny and there was still snow on the ground. So I bundled my son up and took him out to play in the snow.

He walked straight to the snow...

stuck his hand down into it,

brought up a 'handful' of snow (this snow was very powdery... not great for packing or picking up.)

Then he got up and started walking...

and walking,

towards me!

And yes I was standing on the sidewalk that did not have snow... Pretty close to the door to our house actually, since we'd just come outside.

Coming closer...

When he gets closer he stops and looks at me...

Right in the eye,

Then he smiles, laughs and throws a 'snowball' (which is really a small amount of snow in his fist) right at me! This process repeats many, many times... even while I am shoveling the front walk (the back is where the sun melts, but the front of our house needs shoveled... go figure!)

It's hard to believe this was earlier this week as pretty much all the snow has now melted and it feels like spring is on the way. I am sure it will be a few weeks before I actually feel like leaving without a coat on though!

The past two years..

Today I'm going to get a little more personal than normal and open up about things that I've been experiencing in my life that I couldn't write about until now.

On September 20 this year my husband and I moved into our new home (that's it up there... oh and if anyone knows what that tall plant is in front, please let me know!) Exactly 2 years to the date of when we arrived at my parents house with a U-haul truck full of stuff and a 6 month old baby. The plan was to be there for 6 months - maximum! Little did we know that that six months would stretch into 2 years. Four times longer than expected. Part of me felt like a failure with each passing day as I waited for the day when either my husband or I would get a job so we could finally move. I mean what couple with a 6 month to 2 year old child lives with their parents for that long (I know it happens!) It is not anything I had ever seen in my future. That's not the way my life was suppose to have happened! I started to withdraw. I didn't reach out to others because I didn't want to have to discuss my life. I find it fascinating that at the time in my life when I needed others, I withdrew. I didn't want to be judged.

Part of me wanted to blame my husband because obviously he wasn't working hard enough on his thesis or it would have been completed within a couple of months after we moved. This is not true, and he was as frustrated with his thesis as he could be at times. Once he fixed all the issues with programs and data it went pretty well. It just took many, many trials and failures for him to get the data where it needed to be. He would discuss it with me, and I would try to at least pay attention, but it is hard when I only understood a fourth to an eighth of what he was talking about! I am grateful that he did not quit on his dream of finishing his Master's Degree. He is a strong man and I'm glad he's in my life forever.

(My husband gave me this sign when we go married.)

Another part of me knew that my parents needed help - I have a different situation than most people. I grew up with 3 younger siblings with severe disabilities. One has since passed away (actually when I was in high school.) My brother and sister need constant care. So yes my parents did need help - especially when my little sister was so close to dying - twice - in a 6 week period. It made it so my mom did not have to leave her out in the hospital alone (a 2-3 hour drive from their house) to be at home taking care of her son while my dad was at work. They also needed help because it wasn't until this summer that my sister finally stopped going to the hospital (ER, being admitted, etc.) almost every week. My mom did not have to call my dad and ask him to come home, or load my sister and my brother into the van all by herself. I am glad I was able to support my parents through the rough last two years they had.

Given a choice, I would have done it a bit differently (such as living close by but actually not in their house), however, I have learned that some choices are not solely up to us. Believe me I tried to get employment (even though I wanted to be a stay at home mom.) The only job I got a call back from I did not take it. Mainly because every time I thought about it I had such a dark feeling about taking the job. I've learned to trust those feelings. Most of the time I felt like my husband and I were living in a black hole - except, we could send things out but nothing would come back.

There were many complications happening all at once during those two years. However, everything fell into place all at once. My sister's health started doing SO much better, and within a week of turning in the finished copy of his thesis (YEY) my husband had a job offer. He started 2.5 weeks after he turned in his thesis. His job was in the same area that my parents lived, although he had a 30-45 minute commute every day. We stayed with my parents for a few months and gave us time to save up a bit of money and start looking for a house. Mainly because there are not a lot of apartments in the area - most looked pretty run down, and the rent is more than our mortgage payment!

(Turning in the thesis)

Through all the the heartache, stress, feelings of failure, etc that I experienced in the past two years, this blog has given me a feeling of belonging and success (not monetary success but something I could stick with and have an outlet.) Feelings that I seriously needed. Thank you to all who have supported me in the past by reading. I hope you will keep reading in the future. I love you all.

Looking back I realize that I lived my life waiting. Waiting for the thesis to be done, waiting to get full time employment (we had part time employment...), waiting to move out. I wasted 2 years of my life waiting. I am not going to wait anymore. I am going to experience life and enjoy each day. I'm not going to wait until I weigh 20 pounds less to enjoy my life (I am still going to try to lose that 20 lbs!) I am not going to wait until I have all the furniture for my house to enjoy it! My life is great right now, and I am going to enjoy it!

(Or the fact that there is this hideous pink carpet in my son's room... we'll be fixing that! We just have a few other things that are taking precedence...)

Thanks for reading.

Friends...

Lately I have been thinking about friends and friendship... maybe because my husband and I are getting ready to move (only 30 miles away, but still moving.) Since we've been here, we have been thinking this day was coming just around the corner, so we have not really put time and effort into making friends in this area (although my best friend lives here so that is great!) As it turned out, we were here for 2 years. 2 years. That's two years of my life gone and honestly I have not really tried to connect with people.

I will admit that I am not the type of person who has a lot of friends. I have a few really close friends, and when I move from an area (as has been the case 3 times since we've been married due to schooling), I only keep in touch with a handful of people. But to be honest, I am HORRIBLE at keeping in touch with friends. I have decided I only have low maintenance friendships... Friendships I can let sit for months (and possible a year!) and then get in touch with them and catch up. 

I would like to think that the craziness of my life in the last two years and the difficulties we've been having (they have occupied much of my time) will end and I will have more time to cultivate these most precious relationships in my life, as well as making more of them.

Part of me wishes I was the type of person who could make friends with anybody they came in contact with. Instead, I am introverted and think, 'if ____ and I got to know each other, I'm sure we'd be great friends.' I can actually think this about total strangers... like the woman standing in front of me at the grocery store. However, I'm more likely to be introverted and as a mom, I find that this has been amplified. I get into routines with my son until I finally reach a point where I NEED outside contact because I'm not the type of person who can be a hermit. I need others.

I think the need for outside contact is one of the reasons I started this blog in the first place, to feel that I have some contact to people outside the four walls of my residence. I have learned these types of friendships take more than I have been willing to give... and possible more than I have been able to give in the past few years. However, now that I have a more 'normal' life, I want to put the effort to develop friendships with you as my readers and my fellow bloggers. Please forgive me for my lack of putting myself out there - and help me to become better.

Thanks for reading.

Foodless Friday: Camera...

For those of you following me on twitter, you may have seen during the last week (Aug 30) when I tweeted the following:

          My camera died... well it didn't exactly die, but it won't take pictures anymore! Sad day.

followed by :

          I can't say that my camera dying is totally unexpected... the button popped off in July and I've been

          using a bobby pin to snap pictures!

It's true, my camera died... it's also true that the button popped off on July 4th (when we went birdwatching.) Also true that I have been using a bobby pin to actually take the pictures with since then. It actually died on me in the beginning of me taking pictures for the recipe I was making that day... Isn't that just my luck. It could have died AFTER I was finished!

I actually really love my camera! The poor thing has taken about 20,000 pictures (no lie). It has given me pictures like (never fear, I'm not even sharing 0.1% of the photos that have been taken - okay I'm close to 0.1% but that is only 20 after all!):

(One of the first pictures taken with the camera - we got it as a College Graduation present.)

 Pictures of birds, small

and large...

 Pictures of flowers...

Hubby would take lots of pictures of flowers when we were in college - it was his way of giving me flowers we couldn't afford.

It's been with us on trips...

For celebrations... Welcoming our son,

celebrating his first birthday,

and second birthday.

Celebrating my grandfather's (paternal) 90th birthday

It's been with us at more somber occasions (I know this picture doesn't really show somber) such as my Grandmother's (maternal) funeral, and just over a year later - my grandfathers (he's hiding behind the plant).

It's been with us as we've visited with family (and friends)

and most applicable to this blog, it's been with me since the very first post. Taken pictures of all the food I've made in the past two years!

This weekend I'm going to be buying a new camera (just a simple point and shoot variety... if we weren't in the process of buying a house I'd be getting a SLR!)
For now I just want to tell my camera thanks - thanks for all the memories you helped capture in the past 4 years! I also just have to ask you one question: Couldn't you have died 4 months earlier when our extended warranty was still in effect!

My 30 for 30

This past week I turned 29... It came and went, I received many birthday wishes on my facebook page (private account) and that made me smile... actually I'd forgotten it was my birthday until checking my email and receiving all those facebook messages telling me someone posted on my wall (thanks to all my friends for making me feel loved, and to those who emailed as well)! At the end of the day I wondered if I've accomplished all I wanted to before I turned 30 - since this is my last year before I hit 30. I came up with a 30 things to do before turning 30 list for myself and some of the things I have already completed, but added them because they are important to me. I have actually come to realize that I have done the most important things I wanted to do before turning 30. 

If you would have asked me 10-15 years ago, I am sure this list would have been very different. It would have included traveling to how many other countries and states in the US, none of which you'll see on this list below. However, in the past decade I've learned I like being home and close to home instead of going to exotic places (my fear of flying probably has something to do with that!) In about a year I'm going to re-post this list and let you all know how I did on it.

My 30 for 30 list: 

*Donate my hair, once (I grew it out once but had highlighted it so I couldn't donate it... sad! I'm currently working on growing it out again.)
*Deliver 2 babies (Already delivered one, just one more to go - and no this is  not an announcement but hopefully will be in the next 6 months.)

*Send flowers to 3 friends
*Make 4 baby blankets (I've made one so far!) This is the blanket I made before I sewed it together... I forgot to take a picture before I mailed it to my friends who just had their first baby.

*Donate 5 months of blog earnings to Bloggers without Borders (Only a total of like $10-12. I don't blog for the money. ;)

*Celebrate 6 years of being married (will be doing that in December!)
*Invite 7 people/couples over to dinner (I actually tend to be more introverted than I use to be so this is actually going to stretch me!)
*Make 8 aprons (never done this, but I want to!)
*Read 9 classic novels I haven't yet read

*Send 10 letters to 10 blog readers (I'll need your help with this - so please help me reach this goal - if you would like to receive a letter, please email me with your address - crystalscozykitchen @ gmail)
*Ride my bike 11 miles in one day (I'd like it to be more, but this is realistic - I'm all about realistic goals... sometimes.)
*Make 12 handpainted signs (I've been wanting to paint wooden signs, but haven't yet...)
*Give away 13 batches of cookies

*Clean my closet and donate 14 items
*Go on 15 picnics
*Mail 16 handwritten letters (not including the 10 I'm writing to blog readers.)

*Finish 17 years of school (K-Bachelors) ~Completed - picture of hubby and me at our college graduation!

*Spend 18 months as a missionary ~Completed!
*Enjoy 19 sunsets
*Leave 20 nice comments on 20 blogs I read (Unfortunately I've gotten out of the habit of leaving comments lately...)
*Eat vegetarian for 21 days in a row (my def of vegetarian includes all dairy products, eggs and fish)
*Plant 22 plants (for beauty - such a flowers - not for eating.)
*Unpack 23 boxes (definitely doable since we're moving soon!)
*Give away 24 cupcakes
*Lose 25 lbs (may conflict with #2, unless I count weight I've already lost - which kind of seems like I'd be cheating...)
*Make 26 different types/recipes of cookies (will help me with #13)
*Take pictures of 27 different types of flowers.

*Make 28 new vegetable recipes (side or main dishes but comprise of mainly vegetables)
*Write 29 pages (at least) in my personal history (which would require me actually starting it...)
*Call 30 relatives on their birthdays and wish them happy birthday

 So I now have quite a bit to accomplish before my next birthday. What are things you want to do in the next year?

Foodless Friday: What has been occupying my time

During the past month, I've been super busy due to driving an hour multiple times per week to look at houses to buy (and you can also add looking into lending places...)  The search is over, WHEW! and we are now waiting on the bank to appraise the house and then process a loan. 

So for those of you who want to know what the house we're hoping to be in sometime next month looks like, here it is: 

 and I'll have a new kitchen I'll be working out of:

 This isn't the worst kitchen I saw, but it is also not the best either. However, it's what I'll be working with for who knows how long... (well the dishwasher will be getting replaced by the end of the year.) However, this kitchen does have a sky light which makes it light during the day without lights, which is nice. Just not light enough to take great photos...

However, out of all the kitchens I saw (in real life or pictures) I would have loved this one:

 Maybe I'll get my dream kitchen in the next house we buy...

Note: these photos were taken from real estate websites and were not my own work, but did not have credit to give for them.