I previously mentioned that I had postpartum depression. However for some reason I felt the need to write a bit more about what it is like to have postpartum depression. It is different for every person who gets it, so this is only what it is like for me...
Pretty much the night I got home from the hospital I felt that the baby blues started... Of course being tired and having heart palpitations due to the pain killer (of course I'm allergic to narcotics!) could make anybody emotional, BUT it was hard to stop crying. After 2 weeks (the typical time they say baby blues last) of having a rough time emotionally, my husband suggested I go in to the doctor. So I made the appointment.
For two days before my appointment I made a list of symptoms I was experiencing... and here they are in all their ungloriousness:
* I could cry for any reason or for no reason at all (this is weird for me as I'm not a crier!) Once I started crying it was difficult to stop. I would have a 'crying fit' at least once a day.
*I really didn't care about what I ate, or sometimes even if I ate. This really hit home one day as I could have eaten plain potato chips all day as the only food I ate. The main problem with this is that I don't really like plain potato chips!
*I would get frustrated at so many things. I would also over-react to little things my sons did that wouldn't normally irritate me. Which didn't help me feel like a good mommy at all!
*I had a lack of interest in doing pretty much anything that I enjoy. For example, my husband and I enjoy doing logic puzzles together (we do them online) and he could work on a whole puzzle while I was sitting next to him (usually feeding a baby) and he'd finish it by himself and I never contributed to helping solve it - and I was right next to him! Not normal for me at all!
*I had this feeling of a weight on my chest. It literally felt like I had at least 10-20 lbs pressing down on right in the middle of my chest. If you've never experienced this, I hope that you don't have to! If you have, you know exactly what I mean.
I'm sure there were more things, but these are the ones that I noticed the most!
It is a good thing I promised Hubby to
make the appointment... I would have put it off because it was something
I honestly didn't want to have to do. It is never easy to admit that one just can't deal with life... Or is that just me? (Please say it's not just me...) So we went to the doctor and I got a
prescription for medication. It was funny (at least to us) that the
medication the OB likes to try first is the one Hubby had a reaction to
- we're talking crazy-dizziness his first year in grad school (Christmas Break so not during classes thankfully). Luckily I didn't have the same
I do feel that the
medication is working and I can actually function normally. I can still
get a little more emotional than normal (crying, anger, frustration) but
it is a lot better! There are still days that I am not up to par, but at least I'm not bawling my eyes out for 10+ minutes, usually I just am a little more irritable or I cannot muster the ambition to actually accomplish anything... Luckily they don't happen that often.
I honestly feel that this is one reason that I have been more sporadic in posting on this blog. Lack of motivation, and sleep deprivation... Hopefully both will get better and I'll be posting more soon ;).
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