Lately I've been thinking a lot about expectations and reality.... Growing up I use to sit with the Sears or JC Penny HUGE catalog (remember those?) and plan what furniture my house was going to have. Please tell me I'm not the only one who did this... I even had a notebook to write it down in! Each child would have their own whole bedroom set that they got to move with them when they got their own house. I also planned my living room with the perfect matching furniture. I knew exactly what I wanted for the inside of my beautiful house that I'd have custom built (I also loved the house I'd planned and still would love to have it today!) I also knew what I wanted in my life as well! I would be the perfect mommy to my children, I would keep my house clean, I would wear nice clothes all the time, make treats for them every day for an after school snack, be able to work part time in my chosen profession, and I would have the perfect relationship with my spouse. We'd live somewhere great - which by the end of high school I KNEW there was not going to be the area of the state where I'd grown up. I really wanted to live in another state as well, but not enough to go out of state for college...
I learned a LOT about my expectations of marriage in my first few years (it has only been 6 years, so I'm no expert still!) However, I felt that by the time I got married most of my unrealistic expectations were gone... But not all of them, unfortunately! I also learned TONS about being a mommy when I had my first child. Seriously, I never knew how tired and worn out a baby/toddler can make you. Now I honestly laugh and totally agree with signs that say things to the effect of, "We used to want it all, and now we just want to pee alone." Nice clothes all the time - totally out the window... now I wish I had a fixed personal hygiene routine (I do try to shower at least every other day!) I've also learned that it is really hard for me to be a perfect mommy when I'm tired and grumpy.
I also learned how life can play it's own games with you and have you end up living in the exact place where you didn't want to (although I did get to live outside the state while Hubby was in grad school) and told yourself you wouldn't live, but actually be grateful you are there... after 2 years of not having our own place or full time employment, I am glad that we have our own house and my husband has a full time job (that lets me be a stay at home mom-even though we have to stick to a tighter budget!) Speaking of budget - gone are my wishes for the perfect bedroom set for each child (and for myself too) as well as the matching Living Room furniture... I still want that (we do have some, just not everything I want), but now I realize that it will take time... I may have all the pieces I want in time to start replacing them!
Did I get my dreamed fairy tale ending? No, but I don't think I'd want my fairy tale ending, because it has been the hard times that have made me who I am, my relationship with my husband where it is (LOVE YOU Honey!), and has made me really grateful for what I do have. (Don't get me wrong, I'd still love to have it all together every day!) I may not be the perfect mommy (and sometimes wish it wasn't so hard) but I do enjoy being a mommy (most of the time...) I wouldn't trade anything (or even all) I've given up for what I have.
What were your dreams as a child/youth that you now realize are hard/impossible to achieve?
What were your dreams as a child/youth that you now realize are hard/impossible to achieve?
I kind of want to say "all of them" - I mean, I thought I'd be an author for a living, which is unrealistic even for people who have the talent and discipline necessary to make it. I also assumed I'd be alone all my life, so I had all these dreams and plans that really only required _my_ approval, and when I wound up not being alone, those had to go.
ReplyDeleteI think I also had a wildly unrealistic idea of real estate prices in my hometown. I'm not exaggerating when I say the only way I'll own a home there is when I inherit one. So any house dreams I had that involved Vancouver in any way were patently ridiculous.
I also thought I'd be an author when I grew up... at least in Junior High... but yeah not really the easiest way to make a living!
DeleteI am inclined to think that children don't have ANY clue about money and where it all goes to so of course making any sum of money in the thousands sounds like it will go a long way... The logic and reality behind bills just isn't there yet!
I remember going through the catalogs choosing what I wanted to have too. My life sure isn't what I thought it would be (divorce, especially) and I'm still working on adjusting to being happy with that. When I was young, I wanted to be a doctor and being married was unimportant to me. Now I feel like my career is nothing compared to my family.
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